Over it.

This deployment crap is annoying. Difficult to talk at normal times. Difficult to have normal conversations when they all have to happen in public places. Trying to juggle dozens of emails between realtors and him and I. Difficult to remember the stuff I want to mention, so I end up making lists about things I want to talk with my husband about. This seems way too difficult. Thus...

Froyo? Over it. Deployment? Over it. New strategy, at least in jest. No more trying to figure it out, just ignoring it. Maybe not a mature coping strategy, but what I'm doing for today. Get over it.

Suggestions for separation

An extremely wise friend and I chatted recently about being separated, and she gave me some amazing tips. She and her husband have been separated for many months and continents, and after implementing some of these, I'm feeling happier and better than before.

1. Buy a body pillow. This one has been so helpful- best $10 I've spent in recent memory. During separations I very much feel "skin hunger" where the absence of all the little touches (hugs, holding hands, casual caresses, etc) add up to actually change the brain chemistry and make for physical aching, feeling disconnected, discomfort. A body pillow isn't a perfect stand in for cuddling with a real person, but helps the bed not feel empty. And, no hard collarbones or ribs to stick you in the neck! 
2. Create a bedtime playlist/Pandora channel. I particularly have a hard time sleeping when my brain won't switch off, and this has been a godsend. My friend recommended a Pandora station seeded by Liquid Mind's "Adagio for Sleep." It's incredibly relaxing and gives me somewhere to focus my energy until I fall asleep instead of tallying up checklists or letting the brain hamster wheel keep running on "self destruct" mode. 
3. Watch inspiring documentaries. I don't know why, but I keep reaching for war movies at the library- terrible idea. I have made a concerted effort to focus more on really cool travel documentaries and little-guy-overcomes movies. Action movies and comedies get a rotation too, but my entertainment time is well spent when I come away thinking, "Wow- what a cool world and cool people there are out there."
4. Balance taking in and creating. Brilliant. My separation guru is an actual professional poet with publications, and I at least dabble in singing, crafts, building... whatever. This was an amazing tip- be sure to both nourish your creative intake (reading, watching film, doing nature walks... whatever it is that brings you inspiration) and producing. Really, it doesn't matter what- journaling, recording a song on your laptop, building a deck- something you feel good about creating or doing.
5. When missing spouse, start/work on care package. Instead of just pining, this goes with the above. When you miss the spouse, do something toward sending them that love. Seems pretty common sense, but I did not make a solid connection on that before this conversation.
6. Limit alcohol. I'm finding that even a glass or two of wine has much more effect, and a much more dramatic down after the fact. Keeping alcohol to a minimum keeps these mood swings (more) at bay.
7. Cry in the shower. Wow, that sounds super depressing. And let's face it- separation can be too. But a good cry in the shower can be super cathartic, even relaxing. And when you get out, you're clean and ready to face the world fresh.

Favorite documentary series

Vocab of the day: 
Military: FMWR= Family Morale, Welfare, and Recreation

Just a dream?

I'm doing ok. Ups and downs. This is I-swear-on-my-life a verbatim transcript of a conversation I had tonight at with an another army spouse at a derby practice:

me: you just started derby too?

tattooed mom of 3: yes, I can barely get out of the house with my husband and kids though

me: wow, now I feel like a slacker, I don't even have a husband around to distract me

tm03: oh, he's deployed huh? And you have no kids?

me: no

no pets?

me: no

tmo3: damn, you really are all alone

Which was a bit intense, but helped me realize I'm still kind of doing the "If I wait long enough, this won't be real, right? My derby team and Korea friends and husband will all just come back because this is a dream." Ironically enough I realized I have been playing Nelly's "Just a Dream" for like, weeks now. Denial much? Even with all the job and house decisions swirling around, I think I'm still hoping to wake up before anything gets too real.

Was supposed to get video call with the hubs tonight but it was raining there so internet was mostly gone. We did a little google chat about which and if to buy houses. This is absolute crazylife. He is apparently very bored over there since the majority of people are leaving in a month so nobody's bothering to show him around. Sometimes this whole thing feels normal, and others I'm convinced I'm on crazy pills not to be in a padded room yet. Ah well. Found a cool online group for spouses of deployed peeps, and they all post equally insane things that make me feel better like, "We thought it would be great to give our child a sibling during his 2-week deployment leave. Now I'm pregnant and cranky and have 4 months left before he comes back. What the HELL were we thinking?" At least I don't have an alien living inside me.

Vocab of the day:
Military: DEH= Don't Expect Help (ok, maybe not really a military term...)