Tide out, tide in

So, the fabulous news is that I have a) acquired summer work and b) almost completely navigated through house negotiations to arrive at a sale.  And of course, after months of waiting and watching, above events happened within a day of each other.

I have discovered that the lovely hubs and I seem to have different processing for future stressful/intense events. I internalize immediately and begin my freakout, tapering off somewhere right before or shortly after said event. For example, deployment. Orders issued about three months before the move: instant Shannon implosion. I was still functional and mostly normal but it only took a tiny trigger to send me into worry mode- sappy movies, terrible commercials, a particularly nice day... bizarrely almost anything. It has been more or less steady suck until about a month after the deployment began and while things are still not fun, I feel like I've already put all my stress and worst-case-scenario thinking in and have exhausted my stash of worry. The recent bad news of Koran burnings has caused some stress, but honestly I've already been through most of it already. Which is kind of nice.

On the other hand, it seems that the hubs does less of this pre-projected worrying. Not to make a value judgement on it or say he's not aware of roughly the same things that have freaked me out for months, but it seems to be dealt with on a more case-by-case basis. Perhaps this is an evolutionary advantage- if we both hit the stress-ball stage at the same time, who is there to be reassuring? I find this pattern emerges in most of our major decisions, and in some ways I find it amusing- "Oh, I've stopped having nightmares about buying the wrong house and being trapped forever? About time for hubs to start voicing some concerns." I find it quite amusing now that I'm calming down overall.

Anyone else find this a trend in your partnerships?


Vocab of the day: 
Military: CIP = Community Involvement Plan

Suggestions for separation

An extremely wise friend and I chatted recently about being separated, and she gave me some amazing tips. She and her husband have been separated for many months and continents, and after implementing some of these, I'm feeling happier and better than before.

1. Buy a body pillow. This one has been so helpful- best $10 I've spent in recent memory. During separations I very much feel "skin hunger" where the absence of all the little touches (hugs, holding hands, casual caresses, etc) add up to actually change the brain chemistry and make for physical aching, feeling disconnected, discomfort. A body pillow isn't a perfect stand in for cuddling with a real person, but helps the bed not feel empty. And, no hard collarbones or ribs to stick you in the neck! 
2. Create a bedtime playlist/Pandora channel. I particularly have a hard time sleeping when my brain won't switch off, and this has been a godsend. My friend recommended a Pandora station seeded by Liquid Mind's "Adagio for Sleep." It's incredibly relaxing and gives me somewhere to focus my energy until I fall asleep instead of tallying up checklists or letting the brain hamster wheel keep running on "self destruct" mode. 
3. Watch inspiring documentaries. I don't know why, but I keep reaching for war movies at the library- terrible idea. I have made a concerted effort to focus more on really cool travel documentaries and little-guy-overcomes movies. Action movies and comedies get a rotation too, but my entertainment time is well spent when I come away thinking, "Wow- what a cool world and cool people there are out there."
4. Balance taking in and creating. Brilliant. My separation guru is an actual professional poet with publications, and I at least dabble in singing, crafts, building... whatever. This was an amazing tip- be sure to both nourish your creative intake (reading, watching film, doing nature walks... whatever it is that brings you inspiration) and producing. Really, it doesn't matter what- journaling, recording a song on your laptop, building a deck- something you feel good about creating or doing.
5. When missing spouse, start/work on care package. Instead of just pining, this goes with the above. When you miss the spouse, do something toward sending them that love. Seems pretty common sense, but I did not make a solid connection on that before this conversation.
6. Limit alcohol. I'm finding that even a glass or two of wine has much more effect, and a much more dramatic down after the fact. Keeping alcohol to a minimum keeps these mood swings (more) at bay.
7. Cry in the shower. Wow, that sounds super depressing. And let's face it- separation can be too. But a good cry in the shower can be super cathartic, even relaxing. And when you get out, you're clean and ready to face the world fresh.

Favorite documentary series

Vocab of the day: 
Military: FMWR= Family Morale, Welfare, and Recreation

Just a dream?

I'm doing ok. Ups and downs. This is I-swear-on-my-life a verbatim transcript of a conversation I had tonight at with an another army spouse at a derby practice:

me: you just started derby too?

tattooed mom of 3: yes, I can barely get out of the house with my husband and kids though

me: wow, now I feel like a slacker, I don't even have a husband around to distract me

tm03: oh, he's deployed huh? And you have no kids?

me: no

no pets?

me: no

tmo3: damn, you really are all alone

Which was a bit intense, but helped me realize I'm still kind of doing the "If I wait long enough, this won't be real, right? My derby team and Korea friends and husband will all just come back because this is a dream." Ironically enough I realized I have been playing Nelly's "Just a Dream" for like, weeks now. Denial much? Even with all the job and house decisions swirling around, I think I'm still hoping to wake up before anything gets too real.

Was supposed to get video call with the hubs tonight but it was raining there so internet was mostly gone. We did a little google chat about which and if to buy houses. This is absolute crazylife. He is apparently very bored over there since the majority of people are leaving in a month so nobody's bothering to show him around. Sometimes this whole thing feels normal, and others I'm convinced I'm on crazy pills not to be in a padded room yet. Ah well. Found a cool online group for spouses of deployed peeps, and they all post equally insane things that make me feel better like, "We thought it would be great to give our child a sibling during his 2-week deployment leave. Now I'm pregnant and cranky and have 4 months left before he comes back. What the HELL were we thinking?" At least I don't have an alien living inside me.

Vocab of the day:
Military: DEH= Don't Expect Help (ok, maybe not really a military term...)

Personal pizzas

You know what's weird? Cooking for one. I guess I used to do it, but it seems so much less crucial to plan or give food any forethought when I know it's just me I'm feeding. I'm pretty easy to please (as is hubs, for the record) but with another person I was more conscious about eating routines, nutrition needs, portions to allow for optimal leftovers. I officially just halved my intake (hopefully), leftover consumption and people who give a tiny rat's bum what we're... ech, what I'm eating.

Hubs made a video call from his temporary dorm room in Afghanistan over the weekend. It was weird, and finalistic (I know, I just made up that word but I like it) and way too easy in some odd way. I'd almost convinced myself he was on a short trip or something, but then suddenly he popped up on my screen and reality hit. We didn't have a ton to talk about, but after we disconnected I lost it for the first time in a while. As a visual learner, I guess seeing him away was what it took to really hit home that he's gone. Ick.

After snow and power outage and such I fled to a friend's house and have been camped out for the last 4 days. God bless her- it was partially for convenience when the power went out, but has been soooo incredibly good to be in the same space with a good friend during this last few days. Not looking forward to going back to the woods tomorrow, but after the interview I had today I'm hoping a move is imminent. Fingers crossed.

Vocab of the day: 
Military: MRE= meal ready to eat

5 down

360 days left on deployment countdown calendar. I think he's in Kuwait but hard to tell until he's able to email... who knows when.




Have been trapped in the woodsy cul-de-sac of 4 houses by blocked roads with no power and 15+" snow for two days. Two job interviews set for next week. Getting nervous about choosing a city, buying and getting into a house before our goods shipment has to be delivered.

In car warming and charging phone because the silence and being able to see my breath in bed was getting crazy-making. An adventurous start, for sure.



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