Freedom to Serve, Freedom to Marry

I want to take a break from my reflections on my personal military spousehood for today and highlight something far more important: those who are denied the right to be full partners to their military spouses due to their gender. From my very limited experience, I've seen what a challenge it is merely to be a male spouse of a female soldier. Anything that doesn't fit the "army wife" mold takes extra work, and when I think of the barriers same-sex partners face to being a welcome, active part of the military community I worry about what "freedom" it is we fight for.

The campaign Freedom to Serve, Freedom to Marry offers this heart-wrenching look at what can STILL happen to same-gendered partners of military members:

I don't know a single military spouse who finds it easy to cope with the challenges of having a partner in the military, and that is from those who do have access to the benefits of being a recognized military family member. Although the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) policy that required secrecy of gay service members, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) still bars same-gendered military families from the sliver of access that make being a spouse workable.

Without health care, the access military IDs bring, support from morale and welfare programs, surviving spouse benefits and other benefits denied by DOMA, these spouses suffer unfairly even after we've taken the huge step forward of removing DADT. Regardless of anyone's personal beliefs around what constitutes marriage, I can't think of a single reason that legally married couples should be able to fight and die for their country but not have the right to be treated as family. For decades the military has created structures to support spouses and children precisely because they know how crucial family input is to whether a soldier, sailor or airman continues their work in the military or moves on. Then why ostracize the partners of good service members due to their gender?

The Servicemember Legal Defense Network has more information here: http://www.sldn.org/ if you'd like to help.

Vocab of the day: 
Military: FSC = Family Support Center

Daily list of happy

In times where I don't have structure (i.e. job, classes), I find it helpful to make lists and schedules. I suppose this is self evident from the back-to-back list posts, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I came across this quote on Pinterest and it inspired me to make a list of intention.

So here's my happy list for this first week being my own roommate again. 

Every day I want to:

• do something that makes me feel strong
• do something that makes me feel beautiful
• connect with someone on the "it's been way too long!" list
• do something to advance my professional goals
• do something to advance my artistic goals
• make someone else happy

Yeah, that looks good.

Vocab of the day:
Military: SOI= statement of intent

Observation Post

It's not really a coffee shop as a Seattleite would expect. It's more a breakfast item/coffee vendor tucked in the second floor of motel on base, but it has a few reasonably comfortable chairs, tables near outlets and nobody gives you the stink eye if you hang out for hours with your single drip coffee.

Often when I'm killing time, I bring the trusty old lappy along and settle in a corner to catch up on news, whittle away at email, peruse facebook, read blogs or even browse Failbook if I'm really trying to kill time. However, even better than the amusements the interwebs hold is the people watching at this particular establishment- a little slice of military life.

This little cubby is apparently a hot spot for folks waiting at the hotel to PCS (permanently move) out of the country and I've been privy to some fascinating conversations, as summer is when many people move to accommodate school schedules. From the drawl-tastic Southern young man frantically trying to corral his two small children while his wife texted indifferently in the corner, to an older couple browsing the newspaper and chatting, to the mom with two teens challenging them to a game of hangman, it's fascinating to be a fly on the wall during their upheaval.

I've witnessed a correlation: those who seem to have more time in the military often have the same conversation ("Yes sir, we can't leave the country without x, y and z documents. Any chance we can get them today?") with far less panic and frustration than those who are visibly newer to the service. I can only imagine where I would have rated on that scale during our first move, and ponder how many moves one has to do before putting all your belongings in crates (every 1-3 years) and shipping them to a new country in which you have no home, no friends, no language skills and knowing that everything will turn out in the end. As much as I may poke fun of the concept, that definitely qualifies as Army strong.

Vocab of the day:
Korean: 사람들  (sah-rahm-dil) = people
Military: OP= observation post

The Joys of Insomnia

Thesis draft due + insomnia= finishing my glass of wine and my work at 7:13 am.

I had the most amusing night at a coffe shop/IHOP (sequentially) which also seems to have stirred my productive vapors. Sitting on the balcony directly above the coffee grinder at Bauhaus made me think crazy thoughts like, "Can I find a coffee shop in Korea to sit and smell grinding beans?" After being booted at 1 am (sad change from the previous 2 am close), I moved to the ever-sketchy but so-much-fun 24-hour IHOP a few blocks away.

After trying unsuccessfully to diagnose the language spoken by the group of rambunctious men across from me, the most creatively dyed and tattooed group I've seen in a while came in and played NASCAR corners in the booth directly at the other end of the restaurant. A cute but silent older Hispanic couple sat across the divider next to me, and as I was finishing my draft up around 3:00, an agitated gent brought me a piece of paper with [10,000/hour seattle attorney] scrawled on it and asked me to google it for him (on the cleverly named "IHOP, yum!" wireless network). He told me at length about his pending case against National Insurance then wandered away without realizing that I still had earphones in listening to interviews, and the friendly server/host came to ask if "that man was bothering me."

Really, an epic way to spend your waking hours if they weren't meant to be waking and are usually far less entertaining. All topped off by the most ridiculous fog I think I've seen while driving home. So I cleverly took a few shots while driving (hey, there was nobody else on the road). 

I'm either going to sleep or run now... but later have some amazing stories about my first real trip onto a military post. Be very excited.

Vocab of the day:
Korean: 불면증 = insomnia
Military: PBS = project breakdown structure