Somebody (ok, several somebodies) apparently agreed that me and the hubs are adult enough to purchase a house. I find this insane. In fact, both the military (for our loan) and the government (it was a foreclosed house) decided that we were responsible enough to make this major purchase. Poppycock, I say! I still laugh at things that only middle schoolers should find funny. But even with all this talk of tightening mortgage requirements and all, we now own a home. Wow!
And in true building-while-flying fashion, this is roughly how the deal went down:
Us: We'd like a place to live.
Realtor1: I'm slightly racist and will call every neighborhood you want to live in "sketchy!" Also, I will not return your calls or emails.
Us: Um, next.
Realtor2: Remember that awesome house you liked and went off the market for a month? It's back and it just got cheaper!
Us: Yay! Ms. Fannie Mae? We'd like that house please.
FM: Silence.... (for about a week).... there may be another offer coming in. What's your best shot?
Us: (Scribble number on back of envelope... erh, lots of housing forms) This?
FM: More days of silence.... ok.
Us: Yay! Let's inspect it and make sure it's not falling down.
Inspector: Good house! Some problems. You should get them fixed.
Us: Ms. Mae? Can you fix these or give us a discount?
FM: Silence..... No.
Us: Um. Ok!
Lender: Paperwork, paperwork. I will fill it out very quickly! Lots of scanning and signing and sending! Now you should be able to sign that you want the house with escrow.
Us: Ok!
[Day to sign arrives]
Escrow company: We have no paperwork. Try again.
Us: Agh!!
Lender: Agh!! Resending everything ten minutes ago!
Escrow company: Ok. Sign every single paper in the world with your name and "hubs name, by your name, as attorney in fact."
Me: Attorney in fact... I like it. I'm keeping it! (sign sign sign)
Escrow company: Ok. You own a house now.
Me: Um. Cool!
[Next day, get keys. Following two days, movers bring everything in]
Me: Cool. Ok, there's no light on the front door. Maybe I should go get one to replace it.
[Walks into home improvement store, finds massive wall of lighting. Observes them closely for 45 minutes]
Me: GOOD LORD SOMEONE LET ME BUY A HOUSE! AND NOW I HAVE TO CHOOSE A LIGHT FOR THE FRONT DOOR AND THERE ARE SO MANY! What if I make the wrong choice? Then everyone will know that I have bad taste in door lighting and shouldn't have a house. And our house will be ugly. And nobody will ever want to buy it from us in the future. And we'll be broke in an ugly house. There are so many colors, which color are all the metal things in the house? Lots of different colors, WHICH LIGHT DO I CHOOSE?!?!
Slight exaggeration, but not much. It was funny how none of the signing and scary mortgage numbers phased me nearly as much as that wall of endless light choices. I took a deep breath, narrowed down my choices and reminded myself that the house had seen worse than an imperfect front door light.
The good news is I bought one, it is installed and I like it. Deep breaths. Another day of building while flying, and they all turn out pretty well.
Vocab of the day:
Military: ADM= Acquisition Decision Memorandum
PNW: Emerald City= Seattle! Ironic after the move from Kansas, but it
is always green here.
*In honor of now being an official resident of the Pacific Northwest, I'm going to add a PNW term or trivia bit as applicable.
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