Ring Bling

(*Again, written about a week ago and not posted. Not nice, blogger.)

Long Duk Dong: Go away! I call F.I.B. I call police! Go away!
Jake: Open the door.
Long Duk Dong: No way, Jose!
Jake: Open the door.
Long Duk Dong: You beat up my face.
Jake: You grabbed my nuts.
Long Duk Dong: [looks through frosted glass on door] Is that you?
Jake: Yeah, that me.
Long Duk Dong: [opens door] Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you my new - new-style American girlfriend.
Jake: Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?
Long Duk Dong: She not here.
Jake: Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?
Long Duk Dong: She got married.
Jake: What?
Long Duk Dong: She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk.
Jake: Married?
Long Duk Dong: Married.
Jake: Married?
Long Duk Dong: Yeah. Married
[closes door]
Jake: [turns around, under breath to himself] Married?
Long Duk Dong: Married! Jeez.

Yeah. About like that is how I feel. And the strange thing about wearing my ring around, is that somehow people like to think that now my relationship is their business.

Example, stopping into a falafel place to grab some quick sustenance in the midst of a crazy day.
Nice falafel guy: (pointing at my ring) Oh, you're married! Where's your husband?

Now, I understand he was probably being nice and making conversation. But really? Did I just ask you how your girlfriend or your mom was, person-I've-never-met-before-30seconds-ago? I do love my guy, and we are making our love public, but ring does not equal free pass to interrogate. Throw this on top of adjusting to a very strange concept of being married... and you may not want to be the next person to ask me about my ring/husband/wedding/marrriage, or you might be forced to endure a long quandry on the cultural significance of the ring and social norms around it. Just warning ya.

Mini-moon

And, there it went! Wedding #1. Amazing, wonderful, beautiful and sacred.

When at dinner, the server said "Make sure you enjoy it, you only get to do it once!"
Ben replied, "Well, twice."
She looked very confused and walked away. Ah, funny moment. It's true, we're doing a bigger Kansas City ordeal in 10 months, but no more of that for now.

After being up nearly all night and a 4 am call to my sister (thank goodness for the time zone switch to Korea) for one last implosion as all of the wedding industrial complex pelted my brain, I got a few hours sleep and was off and running on a fantastic marathon of a day. What was most amazing to me was how meaningful it was to have wonderful people manning every part of the day- going to get the flowers, decorating the courtyard, getting Ben and I there on time (a tougher job for Ben's handlers- they also had a long time at the bachelor party and a short night) and friends to make brunch, marry us and give beautiful toasts. For someone not superstitious, the hummingbird that flitted by during our walkthrough AND two days without rain in Seattle in November seems to point to something bigger looking out for us.

After the hubbub with friends, we had a beautiful 2 hour drive to our waterside resort, a bone-melting couples massage and delicious dinner. And... less than 24 hours later, a 2 hour drive back to Seattle to put Ben on a plane and wave to the other side of the country for another week. While we have many travels in the future, the 'mini-moon' was still a fantastic few hours to just be.

Advice to anyone doing this or thinking of it- do what you do best. I had to keep moving the morning of, sitting still just made me anxious. Rock out to your favorite jams while getting ready (thank you, T.I. and Pink). Whatever you wear should make you feel drop dead gorgeous, and if you're like me feel free to crack jokes during the ceremony to stem the drip of happy tears (ah, I blame it on my mom's leaky tear duct genes;). After the proposal, I had nightmares about being stuck in a frosted sugar-cake mold of a wedding that I couldn't escape and would still offend everyone who cared about me somehow. I was pleasantly surprised that after all the thoughtful planning to make sure it was us and our wedding instead of a pre-packaged "should do" event, it was still a lovely and somewhat traditional ceremony.

Next weekend's adventure- Family Programming with the military. I wonder how I'll look after I get programmed...

Word-of-the-day
Korean: wife= 아내
Military: LSR= Local Service Request

...

Night before the wedding. WHAT?

However, I think I found the best possible way to pass it. Girlfriend movie night with Hustle & Flow and American Pimp, wine and a hot bubble bath before bed. The beau is off for his bachelor party and we're being a little traditional but not seeing each other until we walk in for the ceremony tomorrow. A little regretful as he got in pretty much a full day later than we expected due to fog, rain, plane failures and the like, but we still had a fun, small Thanksgiving by ourselves before the madness starts.

I cannot say how much good friends have been key to making this an amazing, wonderful, sacred and beautiful experience (and in keeping my sanity). Tomorrow, we have people capturing and guarding my cell phone, getting the courtyard tented in case of rain, decorating, cooking brunch, bringing cocktails, getting the flowers and doing everything that a 6-digit wedding budget might bring with planner and staff, but with so much more love and intention. I even have a friend whose job is to cry more than me. I hope everyone can be so fortunate.=)

Tik Tok

Ok, so while the lyrics are probably more appropriate for the atmosphere of the bachelorette party last night (holla ladies!), the sudden "holycrapitssundaynight" feeling I haven't been privy to since teaching just settled in.

This week is lots of papers, final projects, work, thesis writing, working out, eating well, sleeping?, cleaning/getting ready/running errands and most of it is scheduled down to the last few hours. Oh yeah, and that getting married thing. Breathe, Marsh, breathe. While the amazing massage gifted by Ben today has me in a much happier physical state than yesterday, I feel like the stopwatch in my head has started and only the final buzzer Saturday morning will turn it off. Tik tok...

*wrote and then didn't actually post it. I need to figure out why blogger is outsmarting me...

Tik Tok by Ke$ha lyrics

It's the Final Countdooooooown...

Yes, this immediately brings to mind fantastic visions of Gob dancing during his magic acts (thank you, Arrested Development) but it also seems to embody the race toward end of the quarter, the wedding, the intercontinental move... all those little things.

Vocab of the day:
Korean: blog= 블로그 (can't find anywhere to say this or romanize it for me yet... Next step, find good romanization phrasebook)
Military: FRG= Family Readiness Group (used to be support group, but now apparently we're more focused on being ready than supported...)

It's a MONNNNNNNSTERRRRRRR..

I have opened Pandora's box. I shouldn't be, and really am not, surprised that it is so writhing with strange things unknown, but am a bit taken aback in coming to realize that my future life will be made in learning to play nicely with such writhing strange creatures. I refer in this case to the military. That complex beast that will so wonderfully provide things like health care in the coming years but requires multiple glossaries to keep the acronyms straight.

My dear love has made a smart career for himself in choosing to pay for a fantastic undergrad education through the generosity of the military and now, finishing law school is training to be a military-lawyer-type on the East Coast while I finish up school and work in Seattle in readiness for our move to Korea.

While he has been out of the military mindset for the 3 years of law school, he's rapidly getting back in with things like "survivor physical training" in which while competing for a spot in airborne, the crew of trainees heads out twice a week at 5:30 am and goes until someone quits and then resumes the next time with one person less. Which, maybe doesn't sound so terrible until I realize that Ben trained for a marathon less than 3 months ago, and still sounds beaten down most times when we talk. I also got the insight from a peer in my master's program (a military spouse herself) that she's often seen that the quitee has to walk to the front of the group, ring a bell and apologize for quitting. I realize it's part of the breaking down/building up bit the Army does, and my personal trainer was practically salivating on hearing this, but it blows my mind just a bit.

This same classmate, Liz, walked up to me tonight at a school event and asked, "Do you have your copy of 'Married to the Military' or should I lend you mine?" While I've been relieved to find some books at the local library that claim to explain the acronyms, foreign culture and mysteries of how to keep your life together while moving all the time, it's also a little unnerving. I find the experience somewhat analogous to my senior year of college when I had accepted my Teach For America assignment in Memphis, but was just waiting nervously for the few months between it and me. I can read up on the general literature, ponder and possibly scrounge Facebook for people who might be there with me, but in the end I just have to sit around knowing everything is going to change completely and soon, without really being able to prepare for it. Luckily then as now there are intermediary tasks to like graduating to keep the brain occupied until nearer that time.

I also know that part of the quandry is that I'm again leaving everyone I know (ok, sans Ben and my sister) and this time moving to an entirely new continent (I've traveled abroad a good bit but never lived there) and attempting to make a new life, friend circle, career, etc. I am incredibly lucky to be moving somewhere awesome like Seoul with a fantastic spouse, getting to hang with my sister for a few months after a 2 year hiatus and to be in a structure so formalized as the Army for many needs abroad. However, when logging into "the leading" website for military others, seeing most chatroom discussions revolving around babies and husband's ranks... I just hope there are other people like me. And that I get a really amazing job doing something of value. Ok, so I guess I'm putting a lot of hopes on Korea.

I think I might start a Korean-word-of-the-day/Military-jargon-of-the-day in my posts.

Last sunny thought of the day: Officially 10 days to the wedding. Are you kidding me?

I see a theme emerging in the timestamps...

(*Written a bit ago but mysteriously never posted)

What with the school and work and working out, it seems that the one thing that shouldn't be a problem is sleeping. However, as an insomniac in the midst of great change sleep seems to be the one place where the script doesn't stick. While this frees up time to, say, start a blog, it also provides ample time for thinking about the thoughts that are pushed out of the brain during daylight hours on account of silliness or business or any of the other convenient -nesses that dispatch them while there's sun.

The primary issue at hand is that of identity and marriage. While I was raised an educated Midwestern gal, the strong conservatism didn't stick too hard to me. And I've come to realize that during college my delightful and wacky roommates managed to expose me to the wild beast of feminist thought. Now, no bra-burning or man-hating took place in our dorm room (at least any on record), three are now married and one in a relationship with the woman of her dreams. So what have we all done with these ideas of independent self and making our own way? I have yet to discover. And perhaps when I do, it will solve the mystery of what I'm supposed to do, balancing deep love for a wonderful friend and what seems an impending marital melding with the niche of identity I've thoughtfully carved in the last twenty-some years. Wish me luck.

Friends cure all ills

Truly there's little a glass of wine and a good friend can't help. I'm learning in my journey as a bride-to-be, researcher, student and all other roles that good people are irreplaceable.

It could be someone who's been in your place and helps by merely saying "me too," someone with all the answers or someone who's just willing to listen. I hope I too can be a help to those who need a friend, a good glass of wine, or both.

To Do List

1. Become fluent in Korean
2. Write world-changing thesis, graduate masters program early
3. Find amazing, life changing job
4. Move to Korea
5. Get engaged and married within 7 weeks of each other, with co-engagee on opposite coast
6. Plan two weddings (legal ceremony now, family do later)
7. Write earthshattering publication for work, reorganizing the principles of education
8. Find/regain body of wonderwoman in 2 1/2 weeks.
9. Reconcile military spouse status and feminist ideals
10. Locate and lock down sanity