Just a dream?

I'm doing ok. Ups and downs. This is I-swear-on-my-life a verbatim transcript of a conversation I had tonight at with an another army spouse at a derby practice:

me: you just started derby too?

tattooed mom of 3: yes, I can barely get out of the house with my husband and kids though

me: wow, now I feel like a slacker, I don't even have a husband around to distract me

tm03: oh, he's deployed huh? And you have no kids?

me: no

no pets?

me: no

tmo3: damn, you really are all alone

Which was a bit intense, but helped me realize I'm still kind of doing the "If I wait long enough, this won't be real, right? My derby team and Korea friends and husband will all just come back because this is a dream." Ironically enough I realized I have been playing Nelly's "Just a Dream" for like, weeks now. Denial much? Even with all the job and house decisions swirling around, I think I'm still hoping to wake up before anything gets too real.

Was supposed to get video call with the hubs tonight but it was raining there so internet was mostly gone. We did a little google chat about which and if to buy houses. This is absolute crazylife. He is apparently very bored over there since the majority of people are leaving in a month so nobody's bothering to show him around. Sometimes this whole thing feels normal, and others I'm convinced I'm on crazy pills not to be in a padded room yet. Ah well. Found a cool online group for spouses of deployed peeps, and they all post equally insane things that make me feel better like, "We thought it would be great to give our child a sibling during his 2-week deployment leave. Now I'm pregnant and cranky and have 4 months left before he comes back. What the HELL were we thinking?" At least I don't have an alien living inside me.

Vocab of the day:
Military: DEH= Don't Expect Help (ok, maybe not really a military term...)

Personal pizzas

You know what's weird? Cooking for one. I guess I used to do it, but it seems so much less crucial to plan or give food any forethought when I know it's just me I'm feeding. I'm pretty easy to please (as is hubs, for the record) but with another person I was more conscious about eating routines, nutrition needs, portions to allow for optimal leftovers. I officially just halved my intake (hopefully), leftover consumption and people who give a tiny rat's bum what we're... ech, what I'm eating.

Hubs made a video call from his temporary dorm room in Afghanistan over the weekend. It was weird, and finalistic (I know, I just made up that word but I like it) and way too easy in some odd way. I'd almost convinced myself he was on a short trip or something, but then suddenly he popped up on my screen and reality hit. We didn't have a ton to talk about, but after we disconnected I lost it for the first time in a while. As a visual learner, I guess seeing him away was what it took to really hit home that he's gone. Ick.

After snow and power outage and such I fled to a friend's house and have been camped out for the last 4 days. God bless her- it was partially for convenience when the power went out, but has been soooo incredibly good to be in the same space with a good friend during this last few days. Not looking forward to going back to the woods tomorrow, but after the interview I had today I'm hoping a move is imminent. Fingers crossed.

Vocab of the day: 
Military: MRE= meal ready to eat

5 down

360 days left on deployment countdown calendar. I think he's in Kuwait but hard to tell until he's able to email... who knows when.




Have been trapped in the woodsy cul-de-sac of 4 houses by blocked roads with no power and 15+" snow for two days. Two job interviews set for next week. Getting nervous about choosing a city, buying and getting into a house before our goods shipment has to be delivered.

In car warming and charging phone because the silence and being able to see my breath in bed was getting crazy-making. An adventurous start, for sure.



- Posted on the go through via BlogPress for iPhone

Daily list of happy

In times where I don't have structure (i.e. job, classes), I find it helpful to make lists and schedules. I suppose this is self evident from the back-to-back list posts, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I came across this quote on Pinterest and it inspired me to make a list of intention.

So here's my happy list for this first week being my own roommate again. 

Every day I want to:

• do something that makes me feel strong
• do something that makes me feel beautiful
• connect with someone on the "it's been way too long!" list
• do something to advance my professional goals
• do something to advance my artistic goals
• make someone else happy

Yeah, that looks good.

Vocab of the day:
Military: SOI= statement of intent

Happy dance to do list for 2012

Two days to separation. Suck. I'm feeling slightly bipolar, fluctuating between the happy dance of "It's a great adventure!" and, "Freaking ugh- don't wanna!" [See here post for full explanation of the happy dance.] Most of the time I'm enjoying being around the boy before he goes- being goofy, snuggling, watching hip hop documentaries. But most often it's when he falls asleep that I suddenly have a fit of panic. It lasts for an hour or few, and then the next day most is fine again. I'm also in an awful rut with fits and starts of productivity- getting 3 applications sent one day, then none for the next several... Not to mention the house hunting.

So today I decided to start making a list of fun things that I can more freely do once I'm a single lady again (or at least a separated one with all the living space to myself). Lots of these he doesn't even care about but I keep them to myself out of self consciousness- here's to unfettered ridiculousness at home for the next year!

To do while he's away:

• Take up new musicals and blare them at top volume in the house, car, while out and about/exercising, etc. Sing loudly with them, play on repeat until I learn all the words.
• Go to operas and musicals all the time! Ok, when budget allows.
• Eat waffles and french toast for breakfast whenever I want
• Hog the entire bed and crank up the heat
• Go to Burning Man
• Less shaving
• Watch my guilty pleasure TV shows at full volume whenever- Project Runway, America's Next Top Model are top contenders
• Indulge in a once-a-week night owl stay up forever binge and then sleep in late. But just one!
• Paint my nails wherever I want without being concerned about the smell.
• Perhaps do a 30-day vegetarian trial?
• Put up a giant cheesy 'vision board' a la Happy Endings (Year of Penny and Vision Boards). Maybe.
• Work on guitar/piano/sing at any time and volume without being concerned I'll break his eardrums
• Art/craft projects that can take up room and last days with just me tripping on them. 
• Make my kitchen table a desk. All my desk! 
• Enjoy dance workout tapes that are awesome but make me look like a flailing primate.

Well, that looks like fun. If we have to do this separation thing, at least I have some entertaining things to look forward to.


Vocab of the day:
Military: PES= Positive Enable System

The calm before

One week until the hubs flies out. For a year. Ick.

In other news, we're happily cozied in to a cute lake house rental out in the woods and house- and job- shopping. Well, the jobs aren't quite so easy to get, especially since sellers are practically hunting us down on the house end (not a bad problem to have).

I went to try out a derby team's practice last night- hooray for my back wonkiness healing over the interim! I think it was good, but all I could do was compare it to my last team. I found myself picking out things about this team that bugged me that I know I find endearing in my old teammates. I guess change is just hard. And my skating was sucky after nearly two months off skates.


Vocab of the day:
Military: CWT= customer wait time

Returning Home

Many folks at Burning Man refer to this one-week social experiment as "home" for various reasons. Many say they've never found acceptance or community like the Burn. This video and the accompanying song have been playing on repeat in my head- it seems that each move is awarded a theme song by my random neurons.

On the plane back to Seattle, it occurred to me that I have never moved back anywhere. Every move that I've made has only been to another home in the same area or to a different area. While we'll be in a slightly different area and living a quite different life (student v military/working life), it's nice to come back to an airport you already know, a community you know, friends you know. Now it's nice to hear "Welcome home!" and have it feel very true.

*On a crazy side note, apparently Kim Jung-Il died in the last day or two (the news was held by the NK press). How wild- we moved to Korea right after the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea aka North Korea) sunk the Cheonan submarine and left as the Dear Leader passed. Might have gotten out just in time to avoid some craziness...


Vocab of the day:
Military: HOR= Home of Record

Email to Detroit airport staff

To the Detroit Metro Airport management,

I wanted to thank the kind officers who helped me tonight- I arrived on
a long flight from Korea after a week of accelerated
out-processing/moving due to my husband's recently announced deployment.
After two years of living away from my home in the US, I became very
emotional going through immigration. Both the officer at the desk and
another assisting officer became concerned and far from judging me for
my wrecked emotional state, these two men offered some very kind words.
One of the officers then proceeded to help me find my baggage and walk
with me through customs so I could catch my connecting flight smoothly.
I was and still am overwhelmed by this kind gesture.

While it would have been easy for these gentlemen to either ignore my
tears or make me feel awkward for my outburst, I cannot express how much
it meant for them to offer empathy and assistance while I was struggling
to process sleep deprivation, the move and deployment. I wish I had had
the presence of mind to catch either of their names so I could thank
them personally but I did not. I commend the Detroit airport for
helping servicemembers and their families feel welcome and supported
during their travels.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart 


----------------------------


*These sweet guys tried really hard to comfort me and finally realized saying "welcome home" was what set me off and stopped saying it... 

Bring it!

Yes, I'm in the midsts of another move and it's time for another ridiculous to do list.

• Quit online part time work left over from Korea- check as of today. A little sad, but must clear the old for the new.
• Get a real phone/plan. New iPhoney???! 
• Find a temporary home near post 
• Figure out where we're living long term and find a home there
• Determine buying/renting?
• Find a job. And more than a job, a career-ful job. Hooray!
• Find a roller derby league. Practice. Join. This should probably be preceded by a lot of practicing and making sure I'm still able to function on 8 wheels.
• Finish editing fun Korean cooking video made with friends in Korea

 I'm sure there are more, but those are the biggies. And of course, get ready to figure out what the hubs deploying means for a lot of things. Agh. Here goes!!


Vocab of the day:
Military: METL= Mission Essential Task List

Beginnings and Ends

Moving phase.... 2.5 complete? We're in DC, hubs is in training. We made it stateside! All fairly easily sans a meltdown in the Detroit airport on my end (thankfully the customs officers eventually realized that saying, "Welcome Home" caused me to turn into a waterfall and stopped saying it. Not to mention how nice they were about the whole sobbing thing).

After a week catching up with friends and getting some Americana in the capitol for a week, off to Seattle to attempt settling in in the few weeks before hubs heads out on deployment.

I think this will be the last "Korean of the day" (let's pretend it was anywhere near daily) since now we're no longer living there. Sad sad. Well, here's to more fun posts about culture shock (Pandora! Hulu! English-speaking taxi drivers! Only carrying one currency!).



Vocab of the day: 
Korean: 마지막 (ma-jee-mag? anyone who speaks Korean won't miss my pathetic pronunciation attempts) = last
Military: CONUS = CONtinental US  (v. OCONUS/outside continental or contiguous US)