Waiting and watching

pickle photo from cooksbooksblog.com

I was sad to discover that I wasn't the first to think of "procrastineater," because it dawned on me that's exactly what happens when productivity wanes. Because of course a rice cake and a pickle were crucial to finishing this job application...  

Urban Dictionary- procrastineating: Avoiding being productive by consuming food even when one is not hungry.

In other news, job news is a revolving door of not quite yet, but maybe again for the summer.

In much better news: the journeyman returns to the US in 17 days!!! He has all the mandatory debriefing in Georgia, but we should be reunited in roughly three weeks. Very, very, ready for this.

Phone Fun vol. II

This is what a pretty typical Skype attempt looks like when you're talking to a servicemember in Afghanistan. I don't think we've yet had an uninterrupted conversation- the wind blows, it rains, one of our computers panic or hubs' neighbors all start Skyping or doing whatever causes the internet to crash. This particular conversation even started on another text chat site and went on for several more connections and disconnections- something like 13 mini-calls in all, and probably 30 minutes of actual conversation over the hour and a half of calling, dropping, waiting, calling again.

But in about a month, I'll just have to get used to having one conversation in person without interruptions. So ready.


Vocab of the day: 
Military: T&C= tracking and communication

Work soothes the soul

I'm in the middle of a brilliantly satisfying and beyond exhaustive (90+ hours/week) summer job working to help train new teachers. It's fantastic. Nothing like hard, meaningful work to keep the focus clear. Not to mention that in California, it seems that the sun always shines and the temperature is perfect. LOVE IT.

The one thing I could use less of is what seems to be a constant stream of "surprise homecoming videos" and jubilant, rambling daily posts on Facebook about each way you enjoy having your deployed spouse back. Listen friends, some of us are still waiting. I am really very very happy for you. And I will be happy for me when I'm there, but please consider your audience... like the folks who supported you when your person was far away.

Now back to the work- see what I mean? It's great to not be able to dwell.=) Hugs and happy from California!

Countdown: 187

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day.

Freedom to Serve, Freedom to Marry

I want to take a break from my reflections on my personal military spousehood for today and highlight something far more important: those who are denied the right to be full partners to their military spouses due to their gender. From my very limited experience, I've seen what a challenge it is merely to be a male spouse of a female soldier. Anything that doesn't fit the "army wife" mold takes extra work, and when I think of the barriers same-sex partners face to being a welcome, active part of the military community I worry about what "freedom" it is we fight for.

The campaign Freedom to Serve, Freedom to Marry offers this heart-wrenching look at what can STILL happen to same-gendered partners of military members:

I don't know a single military spouse who finds it easy to cope with the challenges of having a partner in the military, and that is from those who do have access to the benefits of being a recognized military family member. Although the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) policy that required secrecy of gay service members, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) still bars same-gendered military families from the sliver of access that make being a spouse workable.

Without health care, the access military IDs bring, support from morale and welfare programs, surviving spouse benefits and other benefits denied by DOMA, these spouses suffer unfairly even after we've taken the huge step forward of removing DADT. Regardless of anyone's personal beliefs around what constitutes marriage, I can't think of a single reason that legally married couples should be able to fight and die for their country but not have the right to be treated as family. For decades the military has created structures to support spouses and children precisely because they know how crucial family input is to whether a soldier, sailor or airman continues their work in the military or moves on. Then why ostracize the partners of good service members due to their gender?

The Servicemember Legal Defense Network has more information here: http://www.sldn.org/ if you'd like to help.

Vocab of the day: 
Military: FSC = Family Support Center

Acronym overload

This- totally normal.

Email Inbox:  "Have you signed up for DHSS Connect?"

Opening this email tells me this means something about notifications for Defense Health Services System. I assume this has something to do with military health care (which I know as Tricare), but although the two page email explains in depth that the included link will let me sign up for DHSS notifications I never really find out what DHSS or notifications are, or what they mean to me. I follow the link and find this:

Not only this, but there are two more pages of mysterious letters and checkboxes following this one.

C'mon guys. How are we supposed to sign up for anything without knowing what the heck it is? I can google all day but googling "ESSENCE" or "TOL" will probably not get me the answer I want. Sigh.



Vocab of the day: 
Military: SSDD= Same "stuff," different day (From Military Acronym slang)

MacGyver to the rescue

I'm throwing a housewarming party in 4 days. YIKES! Good incentive to get everything up and functioning... but I may not sleep much this week.

So what do you do when you find an awesome living room set at Goodwill for $50 and have an appointment in an hour? Not to mention, when you drive a sedan-style car and have neither blankets nor bungees but only disintegrating jumper cables with you? MacGyver to the rescue. That was probably the least safe 10 miles I've ever driven- the coffee table and end table in the car blocked all the mirrors and the end table in the trunk bounced perilously with each bump. But I got them back and in the house myself with no major damage to anyone or anything. Yay!

New phrase: deployment annoyment. If it's not trademarked, I call it.

Vocab of the day: 
Military: AAA = Assign Alternate Area
PNW: "tourists and transplants"= as can be identified by their use of umbrellas, while natives ignore the drizzle

Epic Mealtime

So I'm out and about when I determine I am very hungry. Lately I've been trying to eat well, lots of fruits and veggies, as little processed food as possible. I arrive in grocery aisles and try to think of something fast and good I can make, but I'm drawing blanks. I wander aimlessly for a while and then encounter the freezer meal section.

"It's fine," my peace-making brain says. "you've been all over with this moving business and a frozen dinner isn't the worst you could choose."

My principled brain pipes up, "No! You've been doing so well! Don't give up to frozen food now!"

Back and forth, I pace the freezer aisle for a good 10 minutes before hunger leads me to break down and grab a few boxes of frosty dinner-to-be (hey, the 7th was free- I'm just being economical), dash to checkout and head home.

Once home, I eagerly grab a box and turn to shove it in the microwave... Only to realize I have no microwave. And these babies have no alternative preparation. Epic Meal Fail- I ate an avocado and crackers instead. Well, there's a weeks's worth of dinners waiting in my fridge if I do get that microwave...


- Posted on the go through via BlogPress for iPhone

Who said I was an adult?

Somebody (ok, several somebodies) apparently agreed that me and the hubs are adult enough to purchase a house. I find this insane. In fact, both the military (for our loan) and the government (it was a foreclosed house) decided that we were responsible enough to make this major purchase. Poppycock, I say! I still laugh at things that only middle schoolers should find funny. But even with all this talk of tightening mortgage requirements and all, we now own a home. Wow!

And in true building-while-flying fashion, this is roughly how the deal went down:

Us: We'd like a place to live.
Realtor1: I'm slightly racist and will call every neighborhood you want to live in "sketchy!" Also, I will not return your calls or emails.
Us: Um,  next.
Realtor2: Remember that awesome house you liked and went off the market for a month? It's back and it just got cheaper!
Us: Yay! Ms. Fannie Mae? We'd like that house please.
FM: Silence.... (for about a week).... there may be another offer coming in. What's your best shot?
Us: (Scribble number on back of envelope... erh, lots of housing forms) This?
FM: More days of silence.... ok.
Us: Yay! Let's inspect it and make sure it's not falling down.
Inspector: Good house! Some problems. You should get them fixed.
Us: Ms. Mae? Can you fix these or give us a discount?
FM: Silence..... No.
Us: Um. Ok! 
Lender: Paperwork, paperwork. I will fill it out very quickly! Lots of scanning and signing and sending! Now you should be able to sign that you want the house with escrow.
Us: Ok!
[Day to sign arrives]
Escrow company: We have no paperwork. Try again.
Us: Agh!! 
Lender: Agh!! Resending everything ten minutes ago!
Escrow company: Ok. Sign every single paper in the world with your name and "hubs name, by your name, as attorney in fact."
Me: Attorney in fact... I like it. I'm keeping it! (sign sign sign)
Escrow company: Ok. You own a house now.
Me: Um. Cool!
[Next day, get keys. Following two days, movers bring everything in]
Me: Cool. Ok, there's no light on the front door. Maybe I should go get one to replace it.
[Walks into home improvement store, finds massive wall of lighting. Observes them closely for 45 minutes]

Me: GOOD LORD SOMEONE LET ME BUY A HOUSE! AND NOW I HAVE TO CHOOSE A LIGHT FOR THE FRONT DOOR AND THERE ARE SO MANY! What if I make the wrong choice? Then everyone will know that I have bad taste in door lighting and shouldn't have a house. And our house will be ugly. And nobody will ever want to buy it from us in the future. And we'll be broke in an ugly house. There are so many colors, which color are all the metal things in the house? Lots of different colors, WHICH LIGHT DO I CHOOSE?!?!

Slight exaggeration, but not much. It was funny how none of the signing and scary mortgage numbers phased me nearly as much as that wall of endless light choices. I took a deep breath, narrowed down my choices and reminded myself that the house had seen worse than an imperfect front door light.

The good news is I bought one, it is installed and I like it. Deep breaths. Another day of building while flying, and they all turn out pretty well.



Vocab of the day: 
Military: ADM= Acquisition Decision Memorandum
PNW: Emerald City= Seattle! Ironic after the move from Kansas, but it is always green here.
*In honor of now being an official resident of the Pacific Northwest, I'm going to add a PNW term or trivia bit as applicable.

Because a girl needs choices

Recently I went to the PX (military equivalent of Target/Walmart) looking for a flat 3-hole punch and a set of twin sheets for summer dorm living.

Instead, I found this:



FIVE choices of bow and arrow sets. There was one giant desktop hole punch and one brand of sheets, neither of which I ended up getting for various reasons. Apparently I'll just have to take up archery and pretend to be Katniss.

- Posted on the go through via BlogPress for iPhone

Care packages

There's something both satisfying and very sad about sending a care package off to the hubs. The obvious is that it's satisfying knowing that the things that I have written, collected, crafted, touched, packaged, arranged just so and so forth will be in his hands, hopefully soon (poke, poke, army mail ;).

The sad bit is giving up the items I've been working on and sending them away. It seems odd, but I know that when they're out of my hands, they won't be coming back until he does. And then there's that other part of trying to figure out what to send next to top this one.

Luckily anyone going through separation these days is not the first to do so, and we have tons of ideas from those before us and amazing technology to make staying close easier.

Something I've been thinking of lately- I think there are really three things that bring out parts of a relationship that otherwise may be gloss-overable.

• traveling together
• playing games together and with groups
• conducting a long distance relationship

These three things more than anything else have taught me a lot about how we function together, how we overcome obstacles, what creates tensions and how we stay close through difficult times. Just my random thought for the day.

Vocab of the day: 
Military history lesson instead- the origin of CARE packages (WWII) and what was in them (1 pound of lard and liver loaf, for starters): http://www.care.org/about/history.asp

Tide out, tide in

So, the fabulous news is that I have a) acquired summer work and b) almost completely navigated through house negotiations to arrive at a sale.  And of course, after months of waiting and watching, above events happened within a day of each other.

I have discovered that the lovely hubs and I seem to have different processing for future stressful/intense events. I internalize immediately and begin my freakout, tapering off somewhere right before or shortly after said event. For example, deployment. Orders issued about three months before the move: instant Shannon implosion. I was still functional and mostly normal but it only took a tiny trigger to send me into worry mode- sappy movies, terrible commercials, a particularly nice day... bizarrely almost anything. It has been more or less steady suck until about a month after the deployment began and while things are still not fun, I feel like I've already put all my stress and worst-case-scenario thinking in and have exhausted my stash of worry. The recent bad news of Koran burnings has caused some stress, but honestly I've already been through most of it already. Which is kind of nice.

On the other hand, it seems that the hubs does less of this pre-projected worrying. Not to make a value judgement on it or say he's not aware of roughly the same things that have freaked me out for months, but it seems to be dealt with on a more case-by-case basis. Perhaps this is an evolutionary advantage- if we both hit the stress-ball stage at the same time, who is there to be reassuring? I find this pattern emerges in most of our major decisions, and in some ways I find it amusing- "Oh, I've stopped having nightmares about buying the wrong house and being trapped forever? About time for hubs to start voicing some concerns." I find it quite amusing now that I'm calming down overall.

Anyone else find this a trend in your partnerships?


Vocab of the day: 
Military: CIP = Community Involvement Plan

The horror...

Watched Revolutionary Road before bed. Now I kind of wish I had watched Saw instead.

In the midsts of trying to buy a house, that was not a good movie choice.

Over it.

This deployment crap is annoying. Difficult to talk at normal times. Difficult to have normal conversations when they all have to happen in public places. Trying to juggle dozens of emails between realtors and him and I. Difficult to remember the stuff I want to mention, so I end up making lists about things I want to talk with my husband about. This seems way too difficult. Thus...

Froyo? Over it. Deployment? Over it. New strategy, at least in jest. No more trying to figure it out, just ignoring it. Maybe not a mature coping strategy, but what I'm doing for today. Get over it.

Suggestions for separation

An extremely wise friend and I chatted recently about being separated, and she gave me some amazing tips. She and her husband have been separated for many months and continents, and after implementing some of these, I'm feeling happier and better than before.

1. Buy a body pillow. This one has been so helpful- best $10 I've spent in recent memory. During separations I very much feel "skin hunger" where the absence of all the little touches (hugs, holding hands, casual caresses, etc) add up to actually change the brain chemistry and make for physical aching, feeling disconnected, discomfort. A body pillow isn't a perfect stand in for cuddling with a real person, but helps the bed not feel empty. And, no hard collarbones or ribs to stick you in the neck! 
2. Create a bedtime playlist/Pandora channel. I particularly have a hard time sleeping when my brain won't switch off, and this has been a godsend. My friend recommended a Pandora station seeded by Liquid Mind's "Adagio for Sleep." It's incredibly relaxing and gives me somewhere to focus my energy until I fall asleep instead of tallying up checklists or letting the brain hamster wheel keep running on "self destruct" mode. 
3. Watch inspiring documentaries. I don't know why, but I keep reaching for war movies at the library- terrible idea. I have made a concerted effort to focus more on really cool travel documentaries and little-guy-overcomes movies. Action movies and comedies get a rotation too, but my entertainment time is well spent when I come away thinking, "Wow- what a cool world and cool people there are out there."
4. Balance taking in and creating. Brilliant. My separation guru is an actual professional poet with publications, and I at least dabble in singing, crafts, building... whatever. This was an amazing tip- be sure to both nourish your creative intake (reading, watching film, doing nature walks... whatever it is that brings you inspiration) and producing. Really, it doesn't matter what- journaling, recording a song on your laptop, building a deck- something you feel good about creating or doing.
5. When missing spouse, start/work on care package. Instead of just pining, this goes with the above. When you miss the spouse, do something toward sending them that love. Seems pretty common sense, but I did not make a solid connection on that before this conversation.
6. Limit alcohol. I'm finding that even a glass or two of wine has much more effect, and a much more dramatic down after the fact. Keeping alcohol to a minimum keeps these mood swings (more) at bay.
7. Cry in the shower. Wow, that sounds super depressing. And let's face it- separation can be too. But a good cry in the shower can be super cathartic, even relaxing. And when you get out, you're clean and ready to face the world fresh.

Favorite documentary series

Vocab of the day: 
Military: FMWR= Family Morale, Welfare, and Recreation

Just a dream?

I'm doing ok. Ups and downs. This is I-swear-on-my-life a verbatim transcript of a conversation I had tonight at with an another army spouse at a derby practice:

me: you just started derby too?

tattooed mom of 3: yes, I can barely get out of the house with my husband and kids though

me: wow, now I feel like a slacker, I don't even have a husband around to distract me

tm03: oh, he's deployed huh? And you have no kids?

me: no

no pets?

me: no

tmo3: damn, you really are all alone

Which was a bit intense, but helped me realize I'm still kind of doing the "If I wait long enough, this won't be real, right? My derby team and Korea friends and husband will all just come back because this is a dream." Ironically enough I realized I have been playing Nelly's "Just a Dream" for like, weeks now. Denial much? Even with all the job and house decisions swirling around, I think I'm still hoping to wake up before anything gets too real.

Was supposed to get video call with the hubs tonight but it was raining there so internet was mostly gone. We did a little google chat about which and if to buy houses. This is absolute crazylife. He is apparently very bored over there since the majority of people are leaving in a month so nobody's bothering to show him around. Sometimes this whole thing feels normal, and others I'm convinced I'm on crazy pills not to be in a padded room yet. Ah well. Found a cool online group for spouses of deployed peeps, and they all post equally insane things that make me feel better like, "We thought it would be great to give our child a sibling during his 2-week deployment leave. Now I'm pregnant and cranky and have 4 months left before he comes back. What the HELL were we thinking?" At least I don't have an alien living inside me.

Vocab of the day:
Military: DEH= Don't Expect Help (ok, maybe not really a military term...)

Personal pizzas

You know what's weird? Cooking for one. I guess I used to do it, but it seems so much less crucial to plan or give food any forethought when I know it's just me I'm feeding. I'm pretty easy to please (as is hubs, for the record) but with another person I was more conscious about eating routines, nutrition needs, portions to allow for optimal leftovers. I officially just halved my intake (hopefully), leftover consumption and people who give a tiny rat's bum what we're... ech, what I'm eating.

Hubs made a video call from his temporary dorm room in Afghanistan over the weekend. It was weird, and finalistic (I know, I just made up that word but I like it) and way too easy in some odd way. I'd almost convinced myself he was on a short trip or something, but then suddenly he popped up on my screen and reality hit. We didn't have a ton to talk about, but after we disconnected I lost it for the first time in a while. As a visual learner, I guess seeing him away was what it took to really hit home that he's gone. Ick.

After snow and power outage and such I fled to a friend's house and have been camped out for the last 4 days. God bless her- it was partially for convenience when the power went out, but has been soooo incredibly good to be in the same space with a good friend during this last few days. Not looking forward to going back to the woods tomorrow, but after the interview I had today I'm hoping a move is imminent. Fingers crossed.

Vocab of the day: 
Military: MRE= meal ready to eat

5 down

360 days left on deployment countdown calendar. I think he's in Kuwait but hard to tell until he's able to email... who knows when.




Have been trapped in the woodsy cul-de-sac of 4 houses by blocked roads with no power and 15+" snow for two days. Two job interviews set for next week. Getting nervous about choosing a city, buying and getting into a house before our goods shipment has to be delivered.

In car warming and charging phone because the silence and being able to see my breath in bed was getting crazy-making. An adventurous start, for sure.



- Posted on the go through via BlogPress for iPhone

Daily list of happy

In times where I don't have structure (i.e. job, classes), I find it helpful to make lists and schedules. I suppose this is self evident from the back-to-back list posts, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I came across this quote on Pinterest and it inspired me to make a list of intention.

So here's my happy list for this first week being my own roommate again. 

Every day I want to:

• do something that makes me feel strong
• do something that makes me feel beautiful
• connect with someone on the "it's been way too long!" list
• do something to advance my professional goals
• do something to advance my artistic goals
• make someone else happy

Yeah, that looks good.

Vocab of the day:
Military: SOI= statement of intent

Happy dance to do list for 2012

Two days to separation. Suck. I'm feeling slightly bipolar, fluctuating between the happy dance of "It's a great adventure!" and, "Freaking ugh- don't wanna!" [See here post for full explanation of the happy dance.] Most of the time I'm enjoying being around the boy before he goes- being goofy, snuggling, watching hip hop documentaries. But most often it's when he falls asleep that I suddenly have a fit of panic. It lasts for an hour or few, and then the next day most is fine again. I'm also in an awful rut with fits and starts of productivity- getting 3 applications sent one day, then none for the next several... Not to mention the house hunting.

So today I decided to start making a list of fun things that I can more freely do once I'm a single lady again (or at least a separated one with all the living space to myself). Lots of these he doesn't even care about but I keep them to myself out of self consciousness- here's to unfettered ridiculousness at home for the next year!

To do while he's away:

• Take up new musicals and blare them at top volume in the house, car, while out and about/exercising, etc. Sing loudly with them, play on repeat until I learn all the words.
• Go to operas and musicals all the time! Ok, when budget allows.
• Eat waffles and french toast for breakfast whenever I want
• Hog the entire bed and crank up the heat
• Go to Burning Man
• Less shaving
• Watch my guilty pleasure TV shows at full volume whenever- Project Runway, America's Next Top Model are top contenders
• Indulge in a once-a-week night owl stay up forever binge and then sleep in late. But just one!
• Paint my nails wherever I want without being concerned about the smell.
• Perhaps do a 30-day vegetarian trial?
• Put up a giant cheesy 'vision board' a la Happy Endings (Year of Penny and Vision Boards). Maybe.
• Work on guitar/piano/sing at any time and volume without being concerned I'll break his eardrums
• Art/craft projects that can take up room and last days with just me tripping on them. 
• Make my kitchen table a desk. All my desk! 
• Enjoy dance workout tapes that are awesome but make me look like a flailing primate.

Well, that looks like fun. If we have to do this separation thing, at least I have some entertaining things to look forward to.


Vocab of the day:
Military: PES= Positive Enable System

The calm before

One week until the hubs flies out. For a year. Ick.

In other news, we're happily cozied in to a cute lake house rental out in the woods and house- and job- shopping. Well, the jobs aren't quite so easy to get, especially since sellers are practically hunting us down on the house end (not a bad problem to have).

I went to try out a derby team's practice last night- hooray for my back wonkiness healing over the interim! I think it was good, but all I could do was compare it to my last team. I found myself picking out things about this team that bugged me that I know I find endearing in my old teammates. I guess change is just hard. And my skating was sucky after nearly two months off skates.


Vocab of the day:
Military: CWT= customer wait time